Friday, July 24, 2015

greenville: emma taylor turns 4

i was bummed about missing emma taylor's birthday but hannah did a great job helping her feel special in greenville. plus her birthday was on cow appreciation day and what 4 year old wouldn't want to eat chickfila for all 3 meals :)

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greenville: cow appreciation day 2015

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greenville: bikes

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greenville: cousin camp

we were so thankful to send the girls to greenville to stay with their cousins, aunt, and uncle while i was adjusting to bedrest. here are a few pictures....

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Saturday, July 18, 2015

bed rest

on june 30th i was sentenced to "modified bedrest". this news was shocking because i felt fine. i had no labor symptoms and i had no issues that i knew of. i did however feel like i was much more pregnant at that time than i was with my other two pregnancies but that was to be expected. i am having two babies. i was  am high risk for preterm labor.

i stayed cooped up in my house, not driving, not taking the girls anywhere and it felt like torture. i mostly sat or reclined on the couch. occassionally getting up to fix the girls lunch or help them find a toy. after  two weeks of modified bedrest i went in for another checkup just before we were supposed to leave for the beach thinking i clearly feel fine and bedrest at the beach will be so much more enjoyable. my condition for preterm labor was worse. we were not going to the beach. instead the dr. admitted me to the hospital. THE HOSPITAL. that is no small thing. my world seemed to be crashing right before me. as they wheeled me over i was plagued with thoughts of despair. we were not going to the beach. the girls were going to be so disappointed. i was going to be stuck in the hospital and i had not prepared for this. i hadn't left a list of to-do's for taking care of the girls. i hadn't left a how to put them to bed or what to feed them. i was going to miss emma taylor's birthday the next week and her ballet playdate the following week. i had messed everything up and now everyone was going to have an aweful summer.

luckily i only stayed in the hospital for observation for 2 nights. the third day my dr. released me to strict bedrest at home knowing well that being in the hospital was making me worse not better. we were blessed beyond what we could ever imagine to have our greenville family offer to take the girls for us for four whole days, adding to their crew of four kiddos. so instead of the beach the girls attended cousin camp and had a blast.

although i have a peace about being on bedrest until the end of August (if the babies stay put) i am still intermittently harassed by the idea of missing out on life. i let the fact that i cannot take care of them depress me as if it meant i can't be their mom at this time. what a horrible feeling that is to not only feel helpless but to also feel like you are letting down the ones you love because you can't fulfill your role in their lives. bedrest is tiring, humbling, boring, frustrating, limiting. it is teaching me to be patient, trusting, and quiet. i am overwhelmed by those around us who want to help and yet sometimes still have a hard time accepting it. i guess it is telling of my heart. God is teaching me that i am weak. i do need him. i cannot do it on my own. i never could.

please pray for us in this time. that the boys will stay put and be able to grow and be healthy. that i will continue to lean on God and have a quiet heart that is open to changing and growing. for the girls as i cannot at this point take care of them the same way as before. for their nanny and other caretakers. and for Glen as he is picking up all of my slack and serving us.